Book Review

Hey friends,

Just finally finished, "Seeds of Turmoil" by Bryant Wright.

Knowing that i have been to the Middle East and work closely with Muslims from the Middle East, this was an interesting read for me. The argument of whose line is blessed (through Ishmael- says my Muslim friends), always comes up in conversation and this goes way back to the beginning. He touches on how Abraham is where it all started. Things or questions your Muslim friends may even have about Issac, Sarah, Jacob and Rachel, are addressed and cleared up. It was definitely a great read, and one that i will pass around. If you have any interest in knowing the roots of this "turmoil" this book is a great starting place. Also, if you are interested in biblical history and geneology, this is for you. Very educational and eye opening at the same time.

I recently recieved a copy of Ravi Zacharias's book Beyond Opinion (Living the Faith we Defend). Many people had recommended this book to me but i must say i didnt expect what i got.

Now i admire and love Ravi's work but some of it is just so over my head. A lot of Apologetics seems like a big hefty clpud full of information to many people and i felt the same way for a while. This read took me longer than i usual book because i wanted to soak in what was being said.

By far the best chapter of the book was Existential Challenges of Evil and Suffering. I had recently been asking the Lord about the constant battle between heaven and hell and the pull of the enemy on all of humanity here on earth. I had been walking through understanding what it means to be a child of God and focusing more on the facet of God that is a Father. If anything, people should by this book simply for the insight Ravi so eloquently gives on the fall of man, the entering of evil, and understanding Gods heart in the midst of a fallen world.

An excerpt for your liking: "In fact one of the most forgotten realities emerges from thr Scriptures. Jesusstruggled with the burden of having to be separated from his Father in that momentary event of his crucifixtion, as he bore the brunt of evil....The incredible truth was that at the very moment his Father seemed farthest from him, jesus was in the center of his Father's will. That is precisely what an understanding of the cross means. Only when one comes to the cross and sees both in it and beyond it can evil be put in persepective". (Chapter 9)

While parts of me are confused or even slightly disagree with parts of this book, it would be a great start to an Apologetcis lecture.

Wait.

man, i remember this time. (from 2008) and the words that flowed from my heart. this was a great season.

"He is able to do immeasurably more that all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us". -Ephesians 3:20



Desperately, helplessly, longingly i cried:
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.

I pled and i wept for a clue to my fate,
and the Master so gently said "Child you must wait".

"Wait? You say wait!" my indignant reply.
"Lord i need answers, i need to know why!
Is your hand shortened or have you not heard?
By faith i have asked, i am claiming your Word.

My future and all to which i can relate
Hangs in the balance and YOU tell me to WAIT?
Im needed "yes", a go-ahead sign,
Or even a "no" to which i can resign

And Lord, you promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord ive been asking and this is my cry:
Im weary of asking, i need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly, i learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "you must wait".

So i slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, "So im waiting...for what?"

He seemed then to kneel and His eyes wept with mine,
And He tenderly said, "i could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause the mountains to run.

All yuo seek, i could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want-But you wouldnt know Me.

Youd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
Youd not know the power i give to the faint;
Youd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
Youd not learn to trust just by knowing Im there.

Youd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.
Youd never experience the fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
Youd know that i give and save.... (for a start)
But youd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of my comfort late in the night,
The faith that i give when you walk without sight,
The depth thats beyond getting what you asked
Of and infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.

Youd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that "My grace is sufficient for thee".
Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,
But Oh, the Loss! If i lost what im doing in you!

So, be silent, My child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still, "Wait".

-Anonymous





I am definitely one of those people that is extremely impatient. I get frustrated on the road and want to get everywhere fast but most of all i want to know what i am supposed to do with my life. I never ask for patience because i know then God will make me wait.

It has become even more evident in my life in the past year or so how impatient i am about the future. I am constantly searching for answers about the type of ministry God is calling me to. I love to love and serve people, i love children, i love coffee and books and singing and art and Jesus. But that doesnt exactly narrow it down.

What am i passionate about? What gifts should i utilize for Gods kingdom? Am i ultimately doing what God is calling me to do? And who am i to say i know what i am supposed to do? Ive been trying to use discernment between Gods voice and my own.

So many of us have been enveloped and sucked in to society's view that we must live this fast-paced stressful life in order to have what we want. In order to have the car and the house and degree and the job. We are constantly told to go to college and take out loans and go into debt and graduate and get on with the rest of our lives. But all these are just lies.

God calls for us to be uncomfortable, NOT overwhelmed.

That is all i have ever been. Overwhelmed.
I do too much and i want to help too many people.
Am i seriously forwarding the kingdom if i have no time for myself and my quiet time and spend more time with people and in all the ministries i am involved in? Am i doing a thing for Christ if i am constantly bombarded with thoughts about my future and what i am supposed to do while being so swamped by what i am doing now?


We simply need to slow down.
Stop asking for an answer to our future because God knows
He knows we want an answer and he has one.
Its just all in his time.





Lord, help me slow down. help me wait. and wait patiently.
Grab hold of my heart and say Child i have a plan for you. There is no need to worry about it right now. Calm my heart that wants to jump out of my chest and scream "what do you want me to do!?" and help me listen to your voice when you choose to give me an answer.

this was good. good season of learning what it means to slow down.

thank you Papa.

another old one... hoping to have this same mindset as the new semester begins.

i no longer want to go through a semester without knowing at least five faces in every class,
i want make friends there, witness to those and make the friendships last.
i no longer want to walk in feeling free,
and leave the classroom knowing a lot of those people will never be.
i no longer want to pretend i am praying,
the prayer i say i pray for all those who are simply just waiting.
i no longer want to sit knowing the person next to me isnt in the kingdom,
but rather i want to bring them in with rejoicing and singing.

because what if every class was a glimpse of what was to come?
what if i reached every teacher, every student, everyone?

then the campus would be bursting at the seams simply awaiting,
the kingdom of heaven to victoriously keep raining.

so Jesus would come down and reclaim all of the campus,
and i wouldnt have to worry if the people next to me in class would be in heaven with us.

i want to steal away all the brokenness and shame,
and replace it with joy and love, all in Jesus name.

so God place my heart on my face, so people can see your love,
knowing that my life's dreams and happiness come from above.

grab the souls of all the people at KSU,
draw them gently, lovingly, joyfully back to you.

draw them to you, through your servant daughter,
and bring down the kingdom, come down Abba Father!



"A merry heart does good like a medicine; but a broken spirit dries the bones."
Proverbs 17:22

let your love be the medicine to heal the campus and let me be the nurse that ministers Lord!

"The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field." Matthew 9:37

let me be your worker and labor for your glory. the harvest is here! use me Lord!

and another old one...

“To be nobody but yourself in a world that’s doing its best to make you somebody else,is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting.” - E.E. Cummings


we are His. and he keeps us as His. as His unique, beautiful creations.

i am unique.
i am free.
i am His.
i am me.



be you.
be free.

re-posting this from a long time ago...

friends, i encourage you to take this note as an opportunity to do a short sort of biblestudy with the Lord. start by asking Him to come into your time with Him right now. invite Him in.

Think to God. Re-center on Him so you may be with Him. We are inseperable to him, ask Him to come to your heart right now and consume all the things that hinder your love for Him. ask Him to penetrate every part of your heart.

Try saying, "Lord, make your heart known to me, bind up all the things that steal my time away from you and your love, you are a high priest whose name is love, so let your love replace all else right now. Draw me near to you Lord, draw me closer than ever before, call my name. dwell richly inside of me, touch me, whisper your name to me, lay your hand on me in love, Amen"


to better understand His love we must recognize that He created relational beings.He did not create us just to live but to commune with Him and be with him. He craved a beloved. We were meant to be lovers. You were made by a relational God for a divine relationship with Him. He is the ONE. The relationship/love that will fulfill you is the one with Him. We are the bride of Christ.

Misty Edwards has a song called baptize my heart that simply says, "God is a lover, looking for a lover, he fashioned me, he formed my heart"

Love is birthed inside of us because God loves us. He wants to KNOW us. We must have a profound dissatisfaction with simple love. We need to crave deep intimate love with the Father. God has undying jealousy for us. Love is made complete in us. We must develop a healthy consistency in a relationship with the one who gave His all for our nothing.

Strong love. Pure love. Deep love. Insane love.
The more we see you, the more we love you.

Our Father chooses to love us. Chooses to be with us. Chooses to delight in us. How powerful is that???

“the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning, great is your faithfulness. ‘the Lord is my portion’ says my soul, therefore I will hope in Him’. The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord” –Lamentations 3:22-26

“or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says ‘he yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us….draw near to God and he will draw near to you.”? –James 4:5,8

our destiny is to be with Christ, to be in love.
Take advantage of the time we have with Him. The relationship. Love more purely. When you are seeking the Lord through love there is the kingdom in your eyes.
“we are never nearer to Christ than when we find ourselves lost in a holy amazement at his unspeakable love” –John Owens

“when we love God we naturally run to Him, frequently and zealously” (Isaiah 40:22-24)

The Lord longs for us to respond to Him with love expressed throughout our lives. Reverent intimacy. More song lyrics- “Its just you and me here now. Only you and me here now. My love”
Our love for Him comes out of his love for us. (Philippians 3:10)
Let us be obsessed (excessively occupied with a single topic) with the Lord.
Be transparent. Be vulnerable. Be raw! We need to be way out in deep water with the Lord.

“ see what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God and so we are” -1 John 3:1
“in this is love, not that we have loved God but that He loved us and sent His son to be the propriation for our sins” -1 John 4:10

Colossians 2:
Abound in thanksgiving. You are filled with Him. God made us alive together through his brutal death on a cross. Nailed/ beaten/bruised.
“the most important commandment is this….Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength” –Mark 12:29-30

Jesus’ mission on earth was to establish a new covenant based on love. He was sent to fulfill the early covenant by changing it to a covenant of love rather than rules and regulations. He doesn’t make us love him, he offers his love to us. We must realize how great his love is. He is not one who only gives 20% when you give 80%. He is a 200% fully involved lover.

Our normal reality should be walking and talking with God asking for His love. “search me, know me God” David knows that the Lord already knows but he wants to be pursued even more.
James was known for wearing holes in the ground because he spent so much time in prayer and intimacy with the Lord.
Paul wrote to the Philippians- “my brothers whom I love and long for, my joy and my crown, stand firm in the Lord, my beloved”

Love him tenderly as he loves us. He is more than agape/intimate love.
Rest and breathe him in. walk in his love and glory. Have faithfulness.
Lean into Him. Let intimacy develop. Develop TRUE intimacy. Love Him.
Psalm 62:8- “pour out your heart before Him”
Psalm 62:12- “that to you O Lord belongs steadfast love”
Let us be vulnerable. Unconditional love.

True and honest. Worthy and noble. Just and right. Pure and holy. Lovely and beautiful.

As our intimacy with God increases our hearts prayerfully consider and care for the world and non-believers more.


Some Prayers for us:
"Let us love you more than ever before to make up for the heartache that your children have caused you. We have for so long betrayed and broken your heart for selfish reasons. We are a broken humanity for toying with our creator and our lovers heart. You are our greatest lover. We should long to be with you, to be intimate with you. You are our greatest lover, though you deserve better. You are the most gracious lover of all yet we continue to neglect you. Forgive us."
"Let us understand your immense deep love for us so that we may better serve you and your broken children. We long to bring you more lovers. Let us love like you love. Let us be the tangible love that people need. Let my face read “lover” when people see me so that they may come looking to experience and receive your love and the truth about your love through me."
"Your love for world and your children is so ridiculous that we cannot imagine or even grasp it. Why would you choose to love your betrayer? Why would you choose to bless us? You are too kind to a people who are too ungrateful and unloving. Im sorry for ever breaking your heart. Help us experience you in a way that makes us long to never break your heart ever again. Let us all be one less brokenheart for you. Let us use your love to speak to the nations!"
Teach us how to love like you.

“with God as my witness, how I yearn for you with all my affection of Christ Jesus” – Philippians 1:8

If any of us have experienced the pain of a broken heart or a broken relationship imagine how God must feel when we pierce Him everyday. We must be ridiculously in love with the Lord always. He is greater than any other lover. WALK IN LOVE!
“ (he) gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice” –Eph 5:2
the passion of Christ Jesus is stirring me to love you!
Lets get BLASTED with Love!!!
YOU ARE ENOUGH LORD.
love is the greatest thing God has given to us and it’s the greatest thing we can give in return.

The biggest thing:

Ephesians 3:
that we may grasp his love for us.


and the last thing to do is:
close your eyes.
focus yourself on imagining the deepest parts of His love for us.
imagine His love in all its fullness and glory.

now think.....its MORE than that


Let the Lord cover you in love.
Be intimate with Him.
ask Him to call your name.
His is the greatest lover of all.

Jesus Camp Movie.

Has anybody seen this?

I think the tactics of training these young people may be a little different than what the world is into. Id like to watch and come to my own conclusions. The body of Christ is surely raising up inside these students and they are ready to become a generation of change. but are they taught to do so in a peaceful manner? and how much of hearing from the Holy Spirit is involved? Ill watch and see.

I recently received a copy of Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young. This is a 365 day devotional, like so many others that we know out there. It was neat knowing that the underlying theme was peace in His presence, something that i have been struggling with Recently. Having peace in my circumstances, having peace with my family, with my job situation, and even peace with Jesus. In her introduction alone, you get to understand a bit of where she comes from and how the Lord has impacted her life in different areas of the world. How He has grasped hold of her mind, to stop time and allow her to view His majestic beauty and even how she went through seasons of desperation for some sense of hope or peace in her own situations, in work, in her family, in her relationships, just as so many of us do. She continues to go on in the introduction about hearing from the Lord personally, something many people think they have to earn or wont ever understand. I love that she begins such a simple devotional with such a massive truth, that Jesus does speak and we can experience Him greatly while we rest in His peace and in His presence. Each day, she has written something the Lord would have said to her or was sayign to all His people and included references to biblical passages about such focuses.

It reminds me of an old classic i think that many women in the church have found called

"Come Away my Beloved", by Frances J. Roberts. But unlike that book this covers a whole year, and while Jesus Calling isnt themed or separated in category, you know you will always be able to go back to certain days to rememeber the truth you found the first time you read it.

Definitely a good devotional to give to your friends. Perfect for a gift!

adventuring.

going on a bit of an adventure, well i guess ive been on one with the Lord.

walking through a lot, processing a lot, thinking a lot.

wishing this process would happen quickly...more quicker?

whatever. im over it.

i need a good book.

i want to live in a boxcar.

The seasons are changing

Its been a while. and i dont have a ton of followers- (thanks Tricia!)

I wanted to clue you guys in on whats going on in my life right now.

Recently, i have gone back to school at KSU, commuting, and helping take care of my dad as he recooperates from his kidney transplant, praise God! While life is constantly changing, the Lord has seriously begun to teach me more than ever that no matter how hard i try or how organized and planned i think i am, he always charts my steps. Since last August- (i found out i wouldnt be in school and was planning on my dad having the transplant in the fall)- God has been showing me how quickly things change and life gets "disrupted" from what i originally had planned. But he has been molding me to just LET GO and let Him handle everything. ive always been a planner and slowly his is ripping my schedules and my ideas out of my hands and placing them in His.

I write this all to tell you that i am embarking on a very exciting journey in this season. This time last year i had no idea i would be living at home, helping my sick father, experiencing extreme hardship and only relying on only God to get me through. The past 6 months have been a trying time leading up to now. While it seems so inopportune for everything thats happening now to actually be happening, its what the Lord intended.

The largest part of this season, i beleive, is the spritual transformation i am going through. I am stepping into the water completely and submerging myself in His grace in order to be taught and learn more about myself, my giftings, and who i am called to be in His kingdom.

I have the opportunity to be involved in a school of ministry internship under Dwight and Candy Haymond. From now until May i will undergo what the Lord has told me is a time of intense pushing and pulling. The Lord is going to open my heart up and shove all the things of Him that i have not yet understood inside, as well as tearing out all the things that are not of Him, even those that are of Him (but just refining them and placing them back inside). I expect this season is going to hurt. but its going to be a good hurt. A supernatural hurt that changes who i am in Christ and how he uses me. The Lord continually has been placing 1 Corinthians 12:31 on my heart- "eagerly desire the greater gifts".

The vision of this school is To mold and equip God’s children to be and do Kingdom Realities. Dwight and Candy will teach us more on hearing God, being Jesus to the world and growing in ourselves and our giftings, as well as teaching us about the gifting we can have through growth in the kigndom. We will learn the ministry of Sozo (inner healing), learn more about dreams and visions and how to interpret them, spiritual warfare, bathing in prayer and intimacy (soaking), how to be in tune with a spirit at all times, and the Fathers creative heart. We will also take part in great conferences/trips to other ministries in the Southeast (mornignstar, bethel, mehesh, etc) to gain growth from those ministries and spirit-led people.

There is a cost to this school, and i am in no way able to pay for it on my own. I have no source of income, and while my parents would support me they are in no way able to because of my fathers health. The Lord has been teaching me about trust and faith in Him and His powers, especially in the realm of financial provision. This is something the Lord has been trying to get me to release to Him for a while. I pray that in this season i will also come to a place of complete reliance on the Lords provision and faith that He will do as he has spoken. This is going to be a life changing experience and i am so fortunate to have Dwight and Candy as mentors and friends. One gift the Lord has placed in me is the ability to be "teachable" a lot of times more so than others. I am always longing to learn from those above me, wiser than me, and those with more experience, and Dwight and Candy are. They have the education of a pastor/theologan, but also have a great understanding of the spirit realm through years of ministry.

I pray that as you read this and as you know me and my heart, that you would ask the Lord about what he has for me in this season and also about whether you feel this is an opportunity to support my spiritual growth in a financial way. While the school includes a trip to Africa i will be unable to go because i am back in school but the rough costs for me will be around $1500. That includes books, conferences, gas, teaching, special speakers, etc. I have been praying as well that the Lord would bless me above the neccesary cost so i can offer an extra financial blessing to Dwight and Candy for their ministry and in a few other places that have influenced my spiritual growth the past 3 years.

Please seek the Lord about any contribution and know that you are not only supporting me in my growth but sowing into the future generations but supporting me in any future ministry the Lord leads me to do. Any donation would be greatly appreciated. Checks can be made payable to Lifegate Ministries.

More info can be found at: http://lifegateinternational.com/

I love you all and pray that the Lord is with you in this season as well, teaching and molding you to look even more like Him. Seek first the Kingdom!! Blessings.

Rachel